061119 cliffs

3 months here and I feel like the pace of learning could have been much faster for me that what it has been – the question that I struggle with myself over is how much of that was in my control, really? Taking away the first month and a half of wave and new hire training leaves about 1.5 months that of actual work so far, out of which none of that has been working on something to call my own. Today I officially took over MO duties and the flood of information and work and the realisation that after a good 1.5 months here I have no idea how to handle any of it is disappointing but even more scary. Am I supposed to know more by this point? What if I’m really just learning too slowly, what if I never get good, maybe good grades mean nothing in the real world really and I’m just not cut out for this. A little too much self doubt and over thinking but I know myself and my self doubting tendencies. The only thing I can actually do, of course, is to suck it up and work harder. Grow a thicker skin and ask more questions. Hopefully things will get better, maybe in a few months from now i’ll be looking back at this thinking all this worrying was for nothing, just like how it was during OFYP. Till then, keep working. You’ll  definitely get somewhere, at least.