010118 re: distance

Landed in Singapore last night and my mind’s been in a sort of suspended state since. The feeling of returning home was underwhelming to say the least; pretty much every other life event that I’ve spent any significant amount of time looking forward to (post A-levels, ORD, etc.) turned out to be an underwhelming experience, yet for some reason I expected this to be different.  If there’s one thing to gain from this it’s the realisation that  home is a permanent fixture it is as much a place as it is people which is to say perhaps spending any amount of time away isn’t going to make it feel any less familiar, and maybe it’s the not being overwhelmed by that proverbial wave of joy that says this the loudest.

Overwhelmed is the feeling when I stepped out into Oslo the first day of pre-trip, trying to process the fact that this was actually happening; overwhelmed is the feeling walking along the Besseggen ridge, struggling to grasp that places like these are real; overwhelmed is being faced with new experiences and having to process new emotions. Home is none of these things I think, home is returning after 6 months and not having to readjust to a different environment home is my muscle memory moving me around the house flipping switches and moving appliances; home is waking up in this bed like I never left it like the entire exchange was just a dream (good thing I have pictures to prove it), home is comfort, home is natural; home means I can let my guard down and I think that’s what I appreciate the most.

Exchange really was a dream though (in the less literal sense of the word), and that it just happened and went by still feels so surreal. As with every new experience I’ve learnt a whole lot about myself and maybe I’ll write about it sometime if the words ever come to me. In the meantime I’ve decided that I’m going to publish a series of posts here on exchange – one for every trip that I made, ending off with a final post about life in Stockholm, in part to consolidate how I feel about everything because (as I mentioned before) i think blogging really helps with this, and also in part to put all these feelings and all down on black and white while the whole experience is still relatively fresh in my memory. Also thought it’d be a good idea to print out select pictures and compile them on a board of sorts, though knowing myself it’ll probably never materialise if it’s not done by the time the next semester begins.

On a separate note, people and playing music are the main things I missed while away and I’m really looking forward to catching up with friends with whatever time remaining before school starts.



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